Chile Chile Bang Bang

Oye Loca! The Duchess has taken to her room for the last few days following the triumphant rescue of the trapped Chilean miners. Thanks to recently installed internet, she was able to follow the breaking story online, and when the last man finally surfaced, she retired upstairs with 20 Rothmans and half a litre of Waitrose gin, emotion clearly getting the better of her. She hasn’t been this involved in a news story since 2008, when another group of trapped minors were finally released from an underground chamber – The Fritzls. The Duchess intends to celebrate the Chilean rescue by recreating the event within the grounds of Trenchbottom Hall, including the construction of a full-scale replica mine. She says she cannot wait to the see the darkened shaft put to good use, and hopes that things will not get too dangerous as the 33 Latino men she has hired do the best they can inside her collapsed hole.

Satisfying The Hungary

Well well well. A nervy few minutes here at Trenchbottom Hall. We live by the age old motto "If The Duchess hasn't had cock by 6-o'clock, there'll be snow this Christmas" Thankfully, she managed to score a length or two with minutes to spare off of a couple of Hungarian builders who just happened to be passing.  Looks like a cold winter has been averted, at least for today. Anyhow, The Duchess has always maintained  that she would rather have a Black Christmas...